I went to a psychiatric hospital and they gave me shock treatments. They didn't help. The nightmares continued. 

I became a workaholic. Work didn't help. 

I became a compulsive eater. Food didn't help. 

I became an anorexic as another form of self-punishment. That came close to killing me; I had two strokes. 

I tried alcohol. It only helped temporarily. The torment would still be there when I woke up. That effort to escape the pain only lasted two months. 

Three things finally helped. First, I participated in a ten-week post-abortion healing program. It was incredible! It did so much for me. 

Second, I took the training to help lead others through the post-abortion healing program. Every time I lead a group, I witness the miracle of God's mercy restoring the joy to these women's lives. That has helped me. 

Third, in September of 1997 I received a phone call at two in the morning. A girl in Texas had seen a brochure containing my testimony. She was scheduled to have an abortion at three o'clock the next day. We talked until five in the morning. Later, she called back and said she had decided against having the abortion. 

Finally, I knew with certainty that God had used my experience to save someone else from making my terrible mistake. That helped a lot. 

Healing does not mean forgetting. I will always regret what I did, and I will always miss my babies until the day I am with them in Heaven. But I know now that God can use every part of our lives, even the worst parts, to allow us to help others. 

Praise the Lord. He is kind and merciful. He has done wondrous things in my life. 

Judith welcomes correspondence from anyone who has had an abortion or is considering an abortion. She can be reached at talrcrft@kans.com.